If you caught my last post, you know I’ve been thinking a lot about my old 2012 Hyundai Elantra. It was a fine car, really... until it wasn't. Specifically, until every single pebble on the road felt like I was driving over a landmine. I spent months convinced that the roads in my neighborhood had just suddenly disintegrated into some post-apocalyptic mess. I blamed the pavement, I blamed the city, and honestly, I blamed my own bad luck.

But it wasn’t the road. It was the shocks. The system designed to absorb the impact had completely failed, and I was feeling every bit of it.

I see this happen in leadership all the time. We step into a new role, maybe we were great at sales, or we were the best coder on the team, or we just had a vision for a non-profit, and suddenly, the "road" feels incredibly bumpy. We’re stressed, our team is disengaged, and every conversation feels like a high-stakes collision.

And then comes what Clay Scroggins calls the "Lonely Lie."

The Lie We All Believe

The Lonely Lie is that voice in your head that whispers, “You’re the only one who doesn’t have this figured out.”

It’s that sinking feeling that everyone else has a secret manual on how to lead people, and you somehow missed the memo. You think you’re the only one struggling with a difficult employee, the only one who feels like a fraud when leading a board meeting, or the only one who stays up at 2 AM wondering if you’re actually qualified for the job you currently hold.

If I’m honest... I’ve believed this lie more times than I care to admit. Even after 30+ years in the game, that little voice still tries to pipe up.

When we believe the Lonely Lie, we do two things: we isolate, and we stop asking for help. We think, "If I tell someone I’m struggling, they’ll realize I shouldn't be here." So, we white-knuckle it. We keep driving on blown-out shocks, feeling every bump, and eventually, we just burn out or break down.

But here is the truth: leadership is naturally isolating, but it shouldn't be lonely. The reason it feels so hard isn't usually because you’re a "bad leader." It’s because you probably weren't actually trained on the basics of how to handle the "shocks" of the job.

Setting Leaders Up to Fail

We are notorious for this in the business world. We promote people based on their technical competency, pat them on the back, and say, "Good luck! Let us know if you need anything."

Yikes.

We expect people to just know how to build trust. We expect them to intuitively understand the role of a strategic leader. We assume they can handle conflict resolution, motivate a diverse team, and build a healthy culture through sheer willpower.

But leadership is a skill set, not a personality trait.

When a leader hasn't been trained in the basics, things like trust-building, navigating tough conversations, or even understanding their own personality via tools like DiSC, they are essentially driving that Hyundai with no suspension. Every team conflict feels personal. Every missed deadline feels like a failure of their character.

If you haven't been given the tools to handle these things, of course it feels like the "road" is out to get you. It’s a systemic failure of the organization, not just a personal failure of the leader. We have to stop making leadership training an afterthought.

The Basics We Forget to Teach

When I work with clients at Solved. Operations & Management Solutions, I often find that the biggest breakthroughs don't come from some high-level corporate strategy. They come from returning to the basics.

If you feel like you’re bouncing around and losing your mind, ask yourself if you’ve actually mastered these three areas:

1. Trust-Building: Do you know how to build a "bank account" of trust with your team? Trust isn't just "being a nice person." It’s about consistency, vulnerability, and competence. If your team doesn't trust you, nothing else you do will work.
2. Conflict Resolution: Most of us hate conflict. We either run from it or steamroll right through it. But healthy conflict is the engine of growth. Have you learned how to use tools like DiSC to resolve team conflict?
3. Motivating Teams: Hint: it’s not just about more money. It’s about mission, autonomy, and mastery. If you don't know what makes your people tick, you'll never be able to lead them well.

A Triage Framework for the Overwhelmed

When the "road" feels too rough, I use a simple triage framework with my clients: Reduce → Route → Resolve.

• Reduce: Look at your plate. What tasks don’t actually move the business or mission forward? Get rid of them. Stop trying to "manage" things that shouldn't exist in the first place.
• Route: Delegate to the natural owner. Give them the context they need and let them fly. If you’re an Executive Director and you’re still the only one holding key relationships, you’re the bottleneck. (We call these Independence Indicators).
• Resolve: Handle only the things that actually require your specific judgment and authority.

If you aren't doing this, you're going to feel every single bump in the road.

The Long-Term Health Factor

One thing that doesn't get talked about enough in leadership circles is the importance of investing in your own long-term health, spiritually, emotionally, and physically.

I know, I know... it sounds a bit "woo-woo" for a management consultant, right? But stay with me.

If you are physically depleted, every minor inconvenience feels like a catastrophe. If you are emotionally drained, you’ll start to resent the people you’re supposed to serve. And if you aren't spiritually grounded, you’ll find yourself looking to your job or your title to provide a sense of worth that it was never meant to give you.

And can we talk about gossip for a second? I absolutely despise gossip. In leadership, gossip is the fastest way to blow out your shocks. When we are lonely and stressed, it’s so tempting to "vent" to the wrong people. But gossip destroys the very trust you’re trying to build. It creates a toxic feedback loop that makes the "Lonely Lie" even louder.

If you need to vent, find a coach, a mentor, or a therapist. Don't do it down the chain of command.

Investing in the Shocks

So, how do we escape the "Lonely Lie"?

We stop assuming we should just "know" how to do this. We start investing in leadership training before the wheels fall off. We look at the systemic issues, the "shocks" of our organization, instead of just blaming ourselves or the "road."

If you're an Executive Director or a business owner, your organization's health is directly tied to how independent it is from you. Are decisions being made at the right levels? Are priorities clearly documented? Does work continue smoothly when you take a vacation (a real one, without checking Slack)?

If the answer is "no," it’s time to fix the shocks.

Leadership doesn't have to be a bumpy, miserable ride. It can be smooth, strategic, and: dare I say it: actually enjoyable. But you have to be willing to admit that you can't do it alone and that you might need a little help navigating the terrain.

I'd love to hear from you... Have you ever felt the "Lonely Lie" creeping in? What's one area of leadership training you wish you'd had years ago? Let’s talk about it.

After all, we're all driving on the same roads. We might as well help each other fix the suspension.

Need help navigating the bumps? Whether it's team engagement, operational rhythms, or just getting out from under the "Lonely Lie," Solved. Operations & Management Solutions is here to help you scale your impact without losing your mind.